Now I Can Let Them

I used to be afraid of boys and men,
and anything that went with that territory.
For the longest time.
I feared the power they seemed to have over me,
their obvious physical force.
It frightened me to what length I would go
to win their love and acceptance.

For the longest time,
I was powerless in their presence,
fearing for their disapproval or anger.
Like a blind spot,
they were there in my growing shadow
accompanying me in my decisions,
rather than following behind me.

Then, one day, due to a force majeure
I faced my shadow, painfully so
as my chest was torn open,
my heart bled into overdrive
and everything just about broke down.
That day, I discovered that my heart,
just like the sacred part of myself that men desire,
is constructed in such a way
that it can take one beating after another.
My chest, my body, my mind survived,
In fact, it began to thrive through all of this.

And I arrived to a place in myself,
where the fear of men had disappeared entirely,
or rather I no longer feared
that I’d give my power away again.
Now that I finally see spotlessly,
I can let them into my life fully.

I can let them
Dance, run or walk with me
Love, hate, seduce, sweet talk, manipulate, mistreat or fuck me
Yell at, laugh at, make love to, go out of their way or cry for me.
I can let them
Be selfish, disappointed, content, quiet, loud or sad
Be forceful, pathetic, kind, giving, ecstatic, critical or mad
On their instinctual quest to hunt down and conquer me.

And despite all their pounding, poking and forcefulness
I'm still centered in the light of things,
And I still have my power to move and love freely
As I continute to spread joy and love,
Knowing my happy is my own,
Grateful to be in love with life and its forces at play!


alchemy-circle"There are three gates of liberation if you like, three cities much like the ones associated with the Goddess you have been named after that unites the chemistry experiment: the material, astral and causal. You get a chance to mix those together in your alembic and boom a wedding of chemical proportions is what we are looking at."
Part II: Chapter 15

lovers"By impulse, she looked above her. On the branches of the peppermint tree, birds had gathered. In the invisible spaces that she could see when she called herself back to the state she had been in at Helena’s house, she saw beings smiling to her. They had gathered around Kama and Lalita, wherever there was space. She could see their faces at the very back of the garden, where the star jasmine spread its stems. With the sound of the birds above and the earth vibrating underneath, she knew they all urged her to let go, to feel the earth and sky sing to her, to let her take in the glory of it all."
Part III: Chapter 33

kalisgift-anovelbyNYA-hzKali’s Gift is a timeless tale of love and spirituality, set in the desert land of Perth, Australia. A well-educated and enigmatic couple who have lived a reclusive life for many years invite a young woman artist named Lalita into their home and life. Though clearly independent in her expression and personality, Lalita is unknowingly thrown into a strange world of magic and meditation, love and alchemy, where she is destined to be profoundly transformed and in turn to transform the people around her. In the alembic of this story, you will find an alchemical composition of mysticism, dreams, transformational art, love triangles, ecstatic and astral awakenings and entanglements of magical and spiritual proportions that may astound you or at least captivate your heart and mind.

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