I used to be afraid of boys and men,
and anything that went with that territory.
For the longest time.
I feared the power they seemed to have over me,
their obvious physical force.
It frightened me to what length I would go
to win their love and acceptance.
For the longest time,
I was powerless in their presence,
fearing for their disapproval or anger.
Like a blind spot,
they were there in my growing shadow
accompanying me in my decisions,
rather than following behind me.
Then, one day, due to a force majeure
I faced my shadow, painfully so
as my chest was torn open,
my heart bled into overdrive
and everything just about broke down.
That day, I discovered that my heart,
just like the sacred part of myself that men desire,
is constructed in such a way
that it can take one beating after another.
My chest, my body, my mind survived,
In fact, it began to thrive through all of this.
And I arrived to a place in myself,
where the fear of men had disappeared entirely,
or rather I no longer feared
that I’d give my power away again.
Now that I finally see spotlessly,
I can let them into my life fully.
I can let them
Dance, run or walk with me
Love, hate, seduce, sweet talk, manipulate, mistreat or fuck me
Yell at, laugh at, make love to, go out of their way or cry for me.
I can let them
Be selfish, disappointed, content, quiet, loud or sad
Be forceful, pathetic, kind, giving, ecstatic, critical or mad
On their instinctual quest to hunt down and conquer me.
And despite all their pounding, poking and forcefulness
I'm still centered in the light of things,
And I still have my power to move and love freely
As I continute to spread joy and love,
Knowing my happy is my own,
Grateful to be in love with life and its forces at play!